Ka Wah's 1119

Write a story beginning with :Kim was nervous when the door opened...
Doesnt this phrase looks familiar?

Yeah, its the SPM English exam paper question. And yup, I choosed this question to answer. So roughly (as I remembered) this is the content I wrote for my SPM. Please give me comments cuz I suddenly feel that I did my English exam poorly.
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Kim was nervous when the door opened as he step out of his house. On that beautiful morning, he opened the window in his room and felt the morning rays of sun showering over him. He looked out and saw the flowers in the garden glistened with dew drops and seemed as if they were bathing in the early morning. The twittering, chirping and fluttering of the early birds broke the tranquil silence of the peaceful morning.

Kim tilted his head and glanced at his watch and it was a quarter passed eight. Spontaneously, he refreshened up by washing his face and got dressed up not long after. Hurriedly, he grabbed his bagpack and went downstairs towards the kitchen. Before he embarked on any adventurous journey, he filled his growling tummy with a nutritious bowl of cereals.
After satisfying his stomach, he reached for the front door knob to start his sojourn to National Service.

As he step out of the house, he was captivated by the clear blue skies with swirling clouds. He felt that his nerves and joints are enlivened to start the training.
As he was enjoying the wonders of mother nature, he was received by Laura.
"Hey Kim! Wait for me!" she said, while waving her hand to get my attention. Laura is a fine young lady with clear brown eyes and an echanting face with an attractive smile, accompanied with dimples on her face. Being tall and having a well-shaped figure, she captivated the hearts of many, including Kim's. Speaking with clarity and a soothing voice, she was a complete personification of a perfect female gender.

Kim and Laura were neighbours and best friends at a tender age. Together, they created many delightful memories. Both of them were chosen to enter the National Service, and lucky Kim, both of them are going ot the same base camp.

They walked to the bus terminal, waiting for the National Service bus to sweep off their feet from the peaceful town of Manhattan. During the journey, Kim and Laura shared a few words yet he wasn't paying attention as he was attracted by her beauty when the cool air breezed through her hair. He had always liked laura, yet he never had the courage to utter the three magical words to her. He tried a few times, yet his voice would start to be obscure and then it would trail off.

As they reached the base camp, it was amazing to see cosmopolitan nations gathered there. The coach there gave them strict instructions to follow and gave them uniforms to wear throughout the whole training course. Throughout the first month of training, Kim learnt and experience a lot of new things. The most interesting part was when they were given the permission to handle the M-16 rifle and practice shooting. Firing 30 gunshots per magazine was absolute stunning. He also learnt about discipline and punctuality after his coach gave him toungue-lashing instructions.

Kim always applied the English saysings of 'all that goes well, end well' yet now he realised not all English sayings are accurate and true. It was raining very heavily as the whole sky was engulfed by black swirling clouds. Laura's team was still in the training field training at that time. The sudden heavy downpour forced Laura's team to scatter for shelter.

Kim grabbed an umbrella and ran to the training fields to find Laura. When he found her, their distances was about 100 metres away. Kim smiled and waved at her as he was glad to see her. Suddenly, the lightning striked the big oak tree at the fields. Supported by the unbeatable wind, the big oak thumbled upon the ground, thumbled upon Laura. Everything happedn so quick, it was as fast as the speed of light.

Imagine, a big oak tree fell upon the one you love.
"Laura!" Kim shouted at the top of his lungs. He threw the umbrella away and hasten his pace to the direction of the incident. He ran as fast as he could, telling himself that this is not true! It is only a dream! A bad dream! He reached there, only to find out that Laura's lower part of her body was stuck under the oak tree.
Kim grabbed Laura's upper body while kicking the oak tree to move it aside, but it was to no avail.

"Laura! Laura! COme on, wake up! Don't die on me!" he told her as he shoke her body, hoping for any response.
"God! Why must you do this?! Why must you take her?!" he shouted to the sky, yet his voice was drowned by the thunder. Tears were beginning to blur his vision as it rolled down his cheek.
Then, Laura raised her hand feebly, wiping the tears of Kim's cheek.
"Don't....cry....Kim...you don't look...cool...anymore..." she said to Kim with a shattering voice.
Kim grabbed her hand and told her, "please Laura...don't die! I need you! Laura, I...I love you!"
Laura flashes her attractive smile, yet it wasn't as charming as before. I gazed at her eyes that was once sparkling with life and good humour, now looks dull and lifeless.
"Kim, I love you too..." that was her lasy words before her voice trailed off.
"NO! Laura! No! Somebody, anybody, please! Call the ambulance!" Kim screamed while constantly shaking Laura, not believing that she was no longer in this world.

He asked God, "If you gave her life, why must you take it away?" while standing in front of Laura's tomb. Someone once told him that those whom God loves, die young.
Kim had lost her, the one he loved. He could never see her beautiful face nor hear her sweet voice no longer.

And that, was a year ago. Now, Kim is finally eighteen, legal for marriage. He went to Laura's tomb, as clean as it was before. He placed a ring on her tomb and said "Hey Laura, will you marry me?" as he placed the other pair of ring into his fingers. He sat beside Laura's tomb and the poison effect in him took over his body and soul.
He drank a bottle of poison to find Laura in heaven.
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